tapping is in me tapping is out there tapping is at window tapping is in me tapping is my teeth tapping is my mind tapping is my past tapping is my present tapping is my future tapping is my everything tapping is my delight tapping is my downfall
---
the bell tolling off in the far distance, one boy walk astray not knowing the course of his mischief, he took a long way to athens one that gained him much respect through the atrocities and horrors he committed on the path i cannot stop hurdled toward inevitable death on the path we cannot stop hurdled toward inevitable death one thought one mind one world away from another it's all a matter of perception once you're settled only perception will save me
---
his hunch at three keyboards but so many different places to store his offspring of thought his infection of a majority he knows where to go he knows that he has gone this way he wants to go back he wants to go back he wants to go back he wants to go back but there is no turning back on the road of finality on the path to destruction on the path to infinite looping
---
so long ago so long ago so long ago the man standing in the doorway so long ago so long ago so long ago took the bite of the apple so long ago so long ago so long ago i learned the truth
so long ago
so long ago
so long ago
it was me but alone
---
dual universe so much in the bag too much to carry a full piece of trash.
to begin stay wary in the end it will not matter but it is all scary in the eyes of a child.
underwater as it goes about until rising in the eyes of my mother a full day's rest away unfinished yet finished.
i have built this house of cards these are my twisted words i am not an artist i portray the mind.
---
dual universe so much in the bag too much to carry a full piece of trash.
to begin stay wary in the end it will not matter but it is all scary in the eyes of a child.
underwater as it goes about until rising in the eyes of my mother a full day's rest away unfinished yet finished.
i have built this house of cards these are my twisted words i am not an artist i portray the mind.
---
in the mind of everything it's worth i'm going to the store to buy more for my many many extensions the large gash in the way of the big man standing in the door way which lead to my room and he punched and kicked me and he was not even there for me to see but i was always blind like i am now now now now now i am complete
---
when there is no light you will know when the jail crumbles you will know when i am there you will know when i am gone you will know when i am present you will know when you dig you will know when i am spreading you will know when i am dormant you will know when you try to understand you will know when i am ready to go you will know you already know it has happened to all of us right there but missing from memory when we will all group you will know
the time is not ripe
---
life, however short it is, a mystery in the gates of the mouth of hell i am not judged but by one.
waves flowing through the distant memory slowly filling up the holes you create i am not judged but by one.
four more steps down the line i am going to fall into it i am not judged but by one.
one memory of yours and mine taken and twisted beyond i am not judged but by one.
sometimes things go to waste so do we all in the circle i am not judged but by one.
in the end i am ready to go in the end you are ready to go i am not judged but by one.
Sometimes things happen that I cannot stop. My mind is no longer mine when it happens. I am not judged, but by one.
softly spoken words for a whole audience telling them all to drown i am not judged but by one.
four four four four four four four four i am not judged but by one.
changed by the constant draft of cold air taking a step out of line i am not judged but by one.
some people don't think it's too good others think i'm a god i am not judged but by one.
i wish that i could part from being my own everything but i have already succumbed with that thought i am not judged but by one.
---
i remember when there were only three starting with the blossom in interest then the decline of change god will judge when the bell tolls so very thin the frail man standing between holding it all together god will judge blue black orange god will judge now there are four i am not ready to finally sew it all together and the third is gone.
---
she was still gone - when i took it - the final breath of... - the long dark night - nobody else ever knew - other than ourselves solitary - but it matters not - it is all over - not us s viewing - the window is clean - i still await you - in my darkest dream
---
the most unpleasant experience of them all not to feed into an addiction not the best feeling ever knowing you're soon worthless
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4
sometimes during that flood the existential feeling we'd get the downpour of disgusting rain and... and just our own loathe and worth
1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 6 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
some sweet words here some sweet words there grandiose instrumentation and fuel fuel of raw emotion fuel of raw power Maybe someday I'll attach. among the sea of ____________________________
---
So blow the ashes, ashes of a man, gone to the house, house of no return.
You may know it. I have seen it. Haven't been there, ever, but I've changed it.
When you will see; I have been making, making these many changes. You will see them.
I will make sure. Even if it takes... days. Weeks. Months. Years. I am very determined.
Things. Are. Not. As. They. Seem.
---
the texture of the paper that i lay my right hand on, soft and silky yet so old i could feel it. turning the page again to know that i can see the next piece, another piece, so dated yet tearing me. can something ever really be so old that you can't see beyond to its vices; that's not this at all. this is all just a piece that i have constructed for you to read and i applaud you for doing so. sometimes it might get hard to see through the window, seeing as how you're blocked from access now. but that's alright, because i know you're trying to see through it, through all this fog, but please. please stop before you might ruin yourself in trying to see that it's all going to end well, because. because we all know it will, and so do i. that is all everything is to me when i dedicate it to you.
---
Vague.
Emptiness.
Left.
Only.
When.
I.
Am.
Done.
The.
Cliffhanger.
Is.
Coming.
About.
---
I hope you're having a nice day.
I hope you're having a nice day.
I hope you're having a nice day.
Sometimes it bites.
Sometimes it doesn't.
Telling your enemies the same.
Sometimes it feels like it's an automated response.
Other times not.
It is my choice to speak this.
I want you to know I hope for this.
You might not care.
It might be your saving grace.
I hope the latter,
because I care about you.
Even if you don't care about me,
I will always cling to you,
in your sleep,
in your wake.
Know I am always right behind you,
when you need somebody to rely on
But sometimes, it comes at a cost.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I have to let you down again.
But even the selfless must have standards.
I am imperfect.
That much I accept.
The strive to do what I must
is sometimes the only thing that lets me stay on this Earth.
---
Souls weighed with sand, trapped in the finality, abyss known not here, nor anywhere; humanized madness.
The house is gone, the house is there, the house is tilting, the house is changing.
I live not here, I live not there, I cannot feel anything, I am being twisted.
Slowly making a fragment, fragmented into three parts, characters I am not, characters I always was.
---
A trio forgotten.
They matter no longer. So do these things happen? No, it's apparently not happening here. I don't want it to happen here. It will only cause more mayhem and grief. Everything is already done and I want nothing more. I am content with the way things have gone now. There is nothing more to do and we can all relax. I have no more wishes than to be remembered for these things.
---
Everything Everything Everything Everything Everything is in place.
I couldn't ask for more than I already have. I'm happy. i am happy We are all happy And His mind is content with the enrichment it created from two ambiguities and childhood. Never ready to give up. He has been searching for this solace for a long while. Temporary solace from all i don't think that i want to carry on a burden anymore But I must. Its all i have Being in a crowd of people. It feels normal. One person may just be who you're looking for. But why am I looking for them? Why did I ever choose this path? Why am I here? Why does this path lead here?
Why did I follow in someone's footsteps when the footsteps lead into Hell?
---
Your input. Tell me. Where do you want me to go? It is all just a piece of data, and it all falls down from the shelf I place it on. I wish I could come back to it another time, but it's lost in an abyss of paper. An abyss in my mind Unfilled by the hands who ran over it.
---
can you hear me knocking? hello? i'm here just wondering if you were here are you home? no?? alright i'll come back later hey i'm back it's been a bit but i was hoping you were here are you here today? no? okay that's fine too i'll be back later again good morning! i hope your day went well okay, seriously, stop messing with me i haven't seen you in months we need to talk i have something very important to discuss with you
years
hello? hello? can you hear me? i'm calling to you from an abyss gone far, far, far gone i'm sorry i'm sorry i left you behind
but so weren't we all so sorry so sorry so sorry
we gave up each piece so little at a time so much at a time but i've never been me just, all to see; the facade of masks and then, emptiness there
---
decline into an abyss
for the whole reality
i am patiently waiting
for those bells tolling
in my frail ears
in my frail eyes
all i can see
is the coming despise
for me for me for me for me for me for me for me for me
---
sounds that reverberate in the distant meadow are very intriguing to
Hear when you are gone
from their own reality and so
so many things are so dif f erent
cannot believe i'm not dif fer ent
---
sound sound sound sound noise noise noise noise
art art art art sound sound sound sound
that bell will toll and
time will close
before the missing fragments awaken to shape together
i want to tell you a story children this is a collection a narrative
i want you to follow me down here
but it is dangerous
---
fragment of story
in the wash
crumpled
soldier with lost eye
i have seen HELL
and i have seen
VALHALLA
and everything in between
and everything just beyond
and everything out there
and everything within
---
windows that bend lead into separate realities. windows just alone lead into separate realities. when you are looking into a mirror you see fiction. the light is reflecting off of the mirror and back into your eyes, where you see you and everything else; the mirror is YOU coloured. there is a special mirror that i have received which i can only see into now. i have seen through the glares that people have given me now. i am fully content
and now i know
---
I'm drowning
and i'm there and i'm here and i'm there and i'm here
but one thing
will stop that all
from happening sooner than
later so i am going tocontinuetosit
HERE
and wait
because i cannot do anything
ELSE
go elsewhere
i cannot TRAVEL
to another country
you are too
FAR
AWAY
---
rambling rambling rambling rambling
here we've gathered to think
ANNOUNCEMENT t o
MAKE
for you all
ONE
BEING
torment
for the JESTER
LAUGHING
IN
THE
CORNER
OF
THE
ROOM
waiting
for someone to
ARRIVE
SLOWLY DROWNING OUT ANY POSSIBILITY
of
revival
---
something changed, in that instant
the day it all changed
the day everything collapsed beneath me
such a delicate house of cards
everything was lost in the fire
compressed in one bag
memories
another
a phone
i set out
to destroy it all
took from them what they took from me
and all it took was WORDS with a phone
you may not understand yet
i won't blame you
but i think eventually
you'll see what i mean
none of you kids are stupid
you gotta remember
don't walk on the same path
Has anyone been experiencing anything like this?
---
Fear,
anxiety and many other things
contributed to a single mixture
Some people live solely on this fear
but i guess i've moved past that
whoever, wherever I is
i'm okay now
'Til that old train comes along once more
I'm waiting
Long since given up
Lastly, hoping it'll stay away
---
Loss of touch
Loss of hearing
Loss of sight
Loss of mind
Fragments
of memories
in the garbage
Some things last a long time
Others just simply don't
You are waiting
You are waiting on me to deliver
deliver
a box
To your doorstep
In which there is...
nothing
Absence
air
Not my gift.
The snow is falling
The bell is tolling
Some things are okay
Others are simply not
This is my job
You aren't here
I'm not there
We're too far away from one another, I said
You said, I'm right behind you
We're both one
But were we never the same?
Like speaking into a mirror
You'll never know what protrudes from the reflection one day.
Even if it is nothing
In the words it returns
You will know
You will know when it is prepared to maul you and destroy everything you have worked for, everyone you love, everything you love, and bring up atop the flames and ashes of what you have created with your perspective all that is evil. In your eyes, evil. In your eyes, unlikable. But that, that is all the impact we can make.
That is all my impact is, on you.
---
Important phrase:
This is perfect
I'm drowning
This is almost the good time
Snow
All of the things above and below
Leveling everything
Most have yet to know
O, great befallen, betwixt all unimportant and grandiose
So go the leaves turning inside you
To go home, a forgotten wish
Telling you this story
In the attic
Many things lay
Eating away at your own self esteem
---
Some things are okay
Some things are okay
Some things are okay
the brightest GREEN light
have you ever thought maybe it's just two
a poor dog
poor thoughts
you don't have control over what it's thinking
but was there ever a chance to
no
no
no
the brightest light
a single synthesizer
breaking apart in your hand
chance
change
---
pain and ignorance atop their thrones,
cast down from shadows far,
a single illusion
originality
---
Acceptance.
That's all that comes to mind.
Yes, that's all that comes to mind.
Then I don't feel so bad.
Almost like a diamond in the rough.
It's watching the world whip around.
Staying in place.
Inhaling. Exhaling.
Watching the kids move away.
Watching those poor old men pass away.
But you're just another drop in the pond,
Another wilting flower,
Another waltzing boy,
Fantasizing about your perfect world.
Far from perfect,
It is a reality for some.
Another one of my favourite things.
But it's too cold,
Too cold to happen here.
I'll never be alone here.
I'll never be alive here.
I'm not here.
This isn't happening.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.
The snow is falling.
I want to leave.
---
running running running, from the old man who comes, stilling on the top of a mountain, waiting for the sun to dawn
chasing yourself in circles slowly biting down on the thread being pulled into "safety" from all out there
a powerful knowledge one held by many but to this child none will know
for he is gone and i am here but we are still on top of this
---
It was silent throughout the house that day. And that week, he sobbed, years ago. He sobs today.
There was no solace.
It was all a lie.
A job that slowly kills you.
A simple abuse.
Forgiven, yet permanent scars remain.
A memory.
There's nothing you can do.
It makes you question things.
Why'd they show?
Why did you ever have to meet them?
It feels like rips and tears in the fabric of reality itself.
You think there are no words to describe the loss you've felt, and yet, there are. It's pitiful. You think you're the only person who's ever felt this way, and yet, anyone who's reached any level of bordering on maturity has.
But they aren't important.
The only thing that's important... is that you get your damn self back together.
Sure. They're still out there.
You pray to God.
You pray that he's listening, if he's out there.
You pray that everything will be fine in the end.
And yet, nothing happens.
Maybe it's just taking so long.
Maybe this is atonement for your sins.
An eternal suffering.
It's just not like the movies.
The couch.
It was just the three of us,
us
and
them
She said. She said to me.
"I think you're crazy,"
"Maybe."
Taken aback. Enthralled.
A decay.
It was collapsing inwards.
The grime on the walls.
It had lived its half life.
I sat there and stared.
My cold, calloused feet against the equally cold floor.
She was sitting on the desk.
I looked at her.
Her singular eye, centred in the middle of her head, stared back at me. Tho' she was blind and deaf, I knew she understood.
Her voice was like razors.
A missing person, for a week.
Never return.
She never showed for the rest of my life.
Wherever she was, I hope it was somewhere nice.
Somewhere warm.
Never return.
I never wished to die until that moment, as I lay, on the cold, hard floor, slowly morphing into fake wood.
She stared down at me, but she never was. Just a camera. Blinded by tape.
And I was followed there.
They desecrated its beauty, but they will never suffer the consequences.
They will never see again.
I hoped that I'd have a nice day.