The Assumed Magpie is, presumably, a magpie. It can be found in many places, including on the opposite side of the Earth, though it appears to favour England. Whether there's more than one Assumed Magpie or not is, at present, unknown.
The Assumed Magpie appears to be able to cause 'bad luck'. It may also be that it warns people of disaster.
The Assumed Magpie has directly caused around four deaths, and its 'bad luck' has caused many more.
The Assumed Magpie appears, at first, to be a Eurasian Magpie (Pica pica). There are a few ways in which you can tell that it is, indeed, the Assumed Magpie:
- It has other eyes, although these appear to change location on its body with each new sighting.
- Its feathers will always be dull - if the sun is shining on a magpie, and the light doesn't seem to affect it? You most likely should not stay for long.
- A slight adjustment to the above: the Assumed Magpie is almost never seen on a sunny day.
Other creatures, including corvids, seem to stay away from the Magpie. One for sorrow, indeed.
- There is either more than one Assumed Magpie, or it can travel from one side of the world to the other in less than a day (?). Wherever you are, you are most likely not safe. Be glad that sightings are rare.
- As was previously mentioned, the Assumed Magpie can cause bad luck. The good thing is that this only seems to happen if you are, at most, one and a half metres away. (Please don't ask how the writer knows this. You probably don't want to know.) The bad thing is that, upon seeing any living creature, the Assumed Magpie will try to follow them. This will let you see if it is truly a magpie or not. It will also give you bad luck. The Assumed Magpie will not... 'attack' you if you have something iron or an inside-out garment. (The writer would recommend an inside-out sock.) The strange thing is that this suggests that the Assumed Magpie is a fae shapeshifter.
- This 'bad luck' seems to affect animals as well. There was a case where a victim of the Assumed Magpie was walking their dog when it approached them. The dog suffered bad luck, as well as the human.
- The Assumed Magpie seems to exude an aura of 'DANGEROUS, DO NOT APPROACH'. This will affect all creatures, including humans. Please, don't try to be brave. Give in to the urge to run away as fast as you can.
- The Assumed Magpie can, apparently:
- Open doors
- Open locked doors
- Wield sharp objects (to a certain extent)
- Remember people (much like any corvid)
- Make magpie-like calls
- Not speak
- Escape from almost any cage
- The Assumed Magpie would appear to be immortal - or, at least, invincible. No weapons have affected it in any way.
Overall, very dangerous. Be careful, please.
The Assumed Magpie is rarely malicious. But there are those cases where it follows a person home...
[NAME] (name redacted) was walking their dog. It was quite a normal day, with normal weather, for the UK. They were coming to a place with lines of trees, trees that had lost all their leaves. Quite 'spooky', hmm? Their dog started pulling them off to one side as if it had seen something it didn't like. [NAME] looked up. And you can most likely guess what they saw. A magpie, sitting in a tree. A magpie with more than two eyes.
It chattered at them.
[NAME] took a picture.
And the Magpie flew down towards them.
They should have run. But they were just too... brave? Stupidly brave. They kicked out at the Magpie, in surprise.
The Magpie did fly away, but it seemed to almost... throw an angry look back at them.
[NAME] was at home, now. They'd had a rather bad time after that Magpie approached them. Being late, dropping things, tripping over...
It was almost as if the Magpie had caused this bad luck. (Which it had.)
They thought it was over. They thought they could just relax.
And then they heard the door. It was being... scraped at. They watched it, curious. The door opened, presumably by itself.
We both know what was there.
[NAME] threw a pencil at it. And the Magpie flew out of the way.
It flew past [NAME], though. In fact, it flew into the kitchen and picked up a knife. A rather sharp knife. A knife that could kill someone.
And there really was murder in its- two, four, -eight eyes. But it didn't attack [NAME] first. Instead, it attacked their dog. (The dog had also had a bad time ever since it saw the Magpie.)
The dog, of course, was having none of this.
It killed the Magpie. [NAME] saw it kill the magpie.
They closed the door and checked that it was actually locked.
The next day, [NAME] was just getting out of bed when they heard a tapping on their window.
It was strange, but they were almost afraid that the magpie would kill them. (Which it would try to.) Sure enough, they pulled back the curtains, and there was the same Magpie that was killed yesterday.
So they ran.
They ran, and they picked up their phone and locked themselves in a room. But, as fate- as luck would have it, the Magpie somehow opened the window in time. Almost like a nightmare - they were running, they were hiding, and, yet, the Magpie would still follow.
[NAME] turned on their phone, and started messaging someone. That, someone, was the writer.
The writer shall not put the exact conversation here, but, to summarise, [NAME] told the writer about what had happened. The writer mentioned that they'd heard of this... Assumed Magpie, and asked them if they had gotten any pictures. So, [NAME] sent the same picture that is currently being used on this page. The writer asked [NAME] why they wouldn't tell someone else about this. [NAME] simply answered that it was quite clear that they had been dragged into the kind of story where there is only a bad ending.
[NAME] went on to message the writer as fast as they could about all of this and everything that was happening.
Meanwhile, the dog was being killed. [NAME] wouldn't try to stop the Magpie.
And, so, the door was unlocked.
The Magpie was pushing it open, now.
As if it wanted to terrify [NAME]. (Which it most likely did.)
And it advanced into the room.
And I- and the writer does not quite know what happened next.
The writer presumed that the Magpie had killed [NAME].
You know, the writer sees a strange magpie outside the window. How interesting.
It is alone.
It is chattering, though the chattering is not quite... right.
Its feathers are so very dull.
It has six extra eyes.