Some guy named Jeff breaks into other people's homes and steals their toilets'. Nothing is scarier than eating Tacobell and realizing you don't have a toilet.
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Late reply, but theres two ways to start a story in general, through character or inspiration.
To understand the inspiration method is to understand what “action” means regrading story. Action, is merely what your story in a nutshell is, what it’s all about. It can be something as simple as “save the princess” or “defeat the villain.” It could also be more complex such as “stoping your suicidal friend,” or “stoping a war between two countries.” The inspiration method is simply you taking inspiration of something and having that become your action, don’t worry about trying to find it, the “action” in your story will naturally find you, not the other way around.
However, if you want more “faster results” and not rely on whatever comes your way in life to find the “action.” Then try this—The character method—write a biography for a character. Start from their birth and keep writing about it. For example, if your writing about their elementary time in school, what are their friends like, what time they took to do homework, what era did this take place in, and so on. Keep doing this through each point of their life. If you write enough you could find the action of the story through your character and start from there.
(Edited by Mcfat10)
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In my ‘book’ Jane the Killer is a 4/7 whereas Jane the everlasting is 2/7 or flat out 1/7.
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From what I read, unless you consider her having the sexuality as a lesbian—‘out of the norm.’ Jane had a typical family realtionship, nothing out of the usual.
(Edited by Mcfat10)
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Re-read my response, I meant to say for the recent rewrite, its not good.
My bad.
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Cool.
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Its fine, I like your character so far!
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It seems mildly interesting; I like it so far.
Be careful with the revenge motivation; it can be a clique, such as various Creepypastas who "wantz revezge 4 Jeff kills their f0mily!" not saying you can't make good pasta with that motivation. But what I am saying is that I often see it as an overwritten archetype and a possible indicator that the story is not good.
I think it escapes this, though; I say this because her motivation for revenge is—the loss of her beauty—which I think is interesting because it may mean she believes a lie, which the author can expand upon in the narrative, which is why I find it mildly interesting—it has potential.
(Edited by Mcfat10)
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Here are my viewpoints on each one
Jeff the Killer: Not as bad as people put it out to be, it had a semi-solid outline, and one could see the plot points.
Fix: It Could have been better if the author slowly made Jeff realize he wasn't necessarily 'human' and slowly goes mad with power thanks to others constantly pressuring him.
Jane the Killer: Depends on which Jane, though, I don't consider the variations of each story great; However, Jane everlasting was, for me, the worst; I won't go into detail as to why I think this way—as I wrote a paragraph on it on its page.
Fix: Each narrative could have been better if the protagonist was more active or the story had a better antagonist, which is a common problem in Jane's tales.
Clockwork: I never read it, only listened to it from people making fun of or criticizing bad creepypastas, so I can't fully say.
Fix: From what I can remember, the only advice I can offer is for the story to have a better antagonist or for the author better handle how she 'loses' it. (perhaps, she starts losing sanity after killing her parents in self-defense.)
Nina the Killer: I didn't read it, so I can't say; I only heard from one of the people here; If she is correct, I have the same viewpoint as her—it's unoriginal.
Fix: Be more original—if the story is a cliche, "my par0nts dying!1!11111 from Jeff, the SHitter!!! Then get better plot point points. Maybe, she's a mercenary hired to kill him or something.
Sonic.EXE: I don't consider the sonic.exe game/story terrible; it's more akin to the narrative and the game focus on, mainly shock valve more than anything else. That is what I see that holds it back.
Fix: Story could have been better if it focused more on the game than on the child; Perhaps the sonic characters could be people trapped in the game—Needlemouse does this well. Perhaps the story could focus on the corruption of how Sonic.exe came to be and how he corrupts the main cast, perhaps through temptation. Regardless, the story finishes the game; maybe, someone may send it out to someone in the world with the tale emphasizing it could even be the reader who receives the game.
Play with Me: I never read it, so I can't say; That, or a few parts of it—that, or I completely forgot.
Fix: I can't necessarily say; I know others consider it a good pasta by the standards of others.
Conclusion: Although I can't put my whole viewpoint on the table as I have not read all of these stories, I would say it is Jane, regardless of which version. Jeff has some solid beats and resembles a story; Sonic.exe, at least, has action, and I can't say about the others because I didn't read them.
In contrast, Jane(the original one) is a really f#cking bland protagonist—everyone else guides her, or she doesn't do much. The story's most action-filled scene involves her getting "hate serum" and becoming homicidal for 3 seconds.
What's worst is that despite having the name "Jane, the killer," the story doesn't even involve Jeff aside from mentioning him on a news tv. It's not even a primary motivation for her either; the government hires her as a killer; unironically would have been a better story if she was a "science experiment gone wrong." Despite that being clique, it has better logic than previously.
But it gets worst—in her other variation, Jane everlasting, she falls into the cliche of "JEFF ki11ed mah PArentz!!!111" anyway, I am starting to rant; I don't like Janes's story in comparison to other pasta. I understand the authors meant to write a good narrative, but each tale tries to be a part of Jeff's narrative and fails miserably from how I see it.
The only Jane story I can not give accurately is the recent remake of the same author who made the original; But, given information based on another user, I can see that its
good.
(Edited by Mcfat10)
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No idea what the heck the story is going to be, though. Probably a sh*tpost satire or parody of Jeff the killer story or something.
(Edited by Mcfat10)
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I dont think you need to worry, if this was the case I am pretty sure the mods would have made an announcement on it already.
Unless, they did and I missed it or something.
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Netural, I havent been on here for some time so I cant say.
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I think I may rewrite it again because I think my rewrite was overly complicated than anything else.
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I remade the entire Creepypasta of Jane everlasting, that version; However, I never fully finished it because of subplots, I never fully wrote those.
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I see
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Explain, please.
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I was also thinking that Nina had only her father, no mother. So if you want to use that, thats fine.
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@Foxtailthewarriorcat thank you for the compliment. Godbless.
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My idea of Nina's remake was her father pressuring Nina to be tougher, which induced a desire to be a Creepypasta as Nina wanted others and her father to see her as tough. She knows Creepypasta's actions are horrible and doesn't indulge in that behavior, but; When the conflict worsens, she begins to get bullied, pressuring her. She eventually decides being a Creepypasta is the only solution and ends up, as well, Nina, the Killer.
I suppose this remake is less of horror material and more of a parody or deconstruction on the toxic parts of the fanbase, or, at least, those who want to become "Creepypasta's."
(Edited by Mcfat10)
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